It’s nearly a month unti JJ Abrams’ new Star Wars comes out, so I’ve decided to assemble my own Force Awakens checklist to fill out when I’m watching the movie for the Nth time.
Feel free to print this out and take it to the theatre, audibly yelling “CHECK!” every time you tick off something. Trust me, people love that sort of thing.
Star Wars musts:
- “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”
- Bad guy emits a Wilhelm scream.
- “May the force be etc.”
- Princess Leia folds her arms more than once in the same scene.
- Why yes, the fact that that character is entirely CG is incredibly distracting!
- They needed to fill the film’s run-time, so they added a giant monster fight that doesn’t advance the plot.
- Person with a lightsaber patiently waits for other person to take out their lightsaber before attacking.
- C-3PO and R2D2’s screen time is cut to make room for more BB-8 ball droid omigoshlookitssocuteOMGGGGG
- Someone tries spinning their spaceship. It’s a good trick!
- Someone turns out to be a Skywalker, or a Solo, or a . . . Yoda?
- Total limbs chopped off: _______
JJ Abrams’ trademarks:
- Blah blah blah lens flare joke, we all get it.
- Lots of contrasting colours.
- Running down a hallway intensely even though walking would honestly be more appropriate.
- Unnecessary camera shakes.
- Sparks and flickering lights to make it more intense!
- The scene is shot at a titled angle to make it more intense!
- Fast zooms, whip pans, and shots lasting less than 2 seconds to . . . well, you get it.
The audience cheers when:
- The lights dim.
- The Lucasfilm logo appears.
- The Star Wars logo appears.
- Han Solo shows up.
- Han Solo brandishes a weapon.
- Chewbacca makes a noise.
- Someone whips out a lightsaber.
- Two people whip out lightsabers in the same scene.
- Three lightsabers???
- Any of the quotes I mentioned above show up.
- The Empire’s DAA-DAA-DAA-DUHN-DAA-DAA-DUHN-DAA-DAA theme plays.
- Oh hey, it’s Luke! I forgot he was gonna be in this.
- HA I get that reference! See, ’cause in Episode V, this one guy said this one thing . . .
- Stan Lee makes a cameo.